September 24, 2014

Anonymous said: Dear Betty, Remember when you had imaginary sex on that washer?

You pose an interesting question: is masturbation imaginary sex?
Most people usually orgasm when they masturbate while others (ladies, in particular) feel the need to fake in order to please their partners.

So which one is truly the imaginary sex? The one in which people feel the need to meet certain expectations enforced by society? Or the one where you just whack it until you come.

But to answer your question I do remember that scene that was a good episode.

XOXO Betty

September 24, 2014

Anonymous said: Betty you should leave sally alone

You should leave ME alone

September 24, 2014

Anonymous said: Favorite mad men episode and why?


That episode is GORGEOUS from beginning to end. The imagery the metaphors the music everything in it is absolutely stunning. Ugh so so good. I think one day I’m gonna write out my thoughts on it because it is simply 💯💯💯

September 24, 2014

Anonymous said: dear aunt betty, what is the social etiquette surrounding weed? For example, is it inappropriate to show up at a party, expecting to smoke, but not bring doritos? I want to know for uh...a friend.

I’d say yes, it is inappropriate. Just like you wouldn’t show up to a dinner party empty handed, you shouldn’t show up to Blazefest420 2014 without some kind of snack. Whether that’s Doritos or Cheetos or utz chips, that’s up to you!!!

XOXO Betty Blaze 🍁🚬

September 23, 2014

Anonymous said: Dear Aunt Betty - My friends keep ragging on me for being a single lady! Any advice?

Ummmmmmmmm did Our Lord And Savior Beyoncé not say all the single ladies???? Your friend sounds like a heathen tbh and the can just take a back seat because you are the driver of the the car called YOUR LIFE

XOXO Betty

September 23, 2014

Anonymous said: Dearest Aunt Betty, this guy has been pursuing me relentlessly for years but I think his intentions of are of ill-intent, every time we've gone out he's been drunk and he tells me I'm "really not that attractive" and now he's trying to convince me that he just wants to be friends. what's the best way to get rid of him?

Tell him straight up why you are cutting your ties and then, do just that. Cut ties. Because you shouldn’t voluntarily hang out with someone that makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe him shit.

XOXO Betty

September 23, 2014


Me when “Yonce” starts

Me when “Partition” ends

September 22, 2014

Anonymous said: Aunt Betty - You're fabulous. Never change. I'm a "confirmed bachelor" who is looking for the company of another "confirmed bachelor", but I'm very awkward around people I like. With your 60s wisdom, how would you recommend I proceed? How does one flirt? -- Friend of Dorothy

Dear Friend of Dorothy,

I understand you’re trouble. You see a hottie and you’re like hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah but then when you talk to them it’s like hell nah hell nah. But I learned this trick that really works.

Picture your crush shitting.

That’s right, shitting. Everybody Poops™ therefore by picturing a person you like voiding their bowels you are humanizing them in your mind. Because sometimes a person you’re crushing on doesn’t seem like a real person because we hype them up so much in our mind yknow?

Another important thinking to remember is to, and this is going to sound like such dad advice (dadvice) but have fun and be yourself. I sincerely mean that. If you have a positive outlook you will have positive results. You get back from the universe what you put into it so just do you.

So that my advice. Picture them shitting and have fun and be yourself. Hope this helps!

XOXO Aunt Betty

September 22, 2014

choctawaukerman said: Favorite Betty scene/moment

HANDS DOWN when she slaps Helen Bishop in the super market by the bananas 👋🍌


September 22, 2014

Anonymous said: Dear Aunt Betty, If you asked a guy out for coffee via text, and he didn't respond until 2 and a half weeks later with, "Hey! How's it going?" what would you do? Sincerely, WTF in WA

Dear WTF in WA,

Well my first instinct is to tell you that you should say later skater because someone who doesn’t have the decency to let you know y/n right away isn’t worth your time.

HOWEVER I am an impulsive asshole and that’s probably not the response you wanted to hear.

What’s your relationship with him now? Do you know him IRL(livin’ in the modern age!)? Are you just getting to know this person? Or do you know each other pretty well? If you don’t know this person that well maybe they just forgot to text you back. That happens y’know, when you read the text and you MEAN to text back but you just forget.

I’d say give this chump another chance and if it’s the same shit then on to the next one, double your money, and make it stack.

XOXO Aunt Betty